Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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