Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I need to align my fucking chakras
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