Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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