Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Randomize
