Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
