why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
