I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
