He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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