So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
