I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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