Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I enjoy the company of your penis
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
