Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
this hospital has no fireball
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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