Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
