I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
