After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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