tonight lets celebrate not being married
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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