i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
