we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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