The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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