TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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