that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
