dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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