break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i was born a porn star she said
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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