Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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