sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
