so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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