I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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