So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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