the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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