You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
