so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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