I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
