By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
