the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
