Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
