just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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