youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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