Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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