I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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