he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
