he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
