dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
