Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
