we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
