I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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