I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
