My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
