Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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