Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
All I want is dick and wine.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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