I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
