I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
