Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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